I live in the little village of the present: a not so loving love song

This was written several months ago. However, in rereading it, I felt like it was a pretty good use of words. It’s not very often anymore that I sit down and get creative with my writing. So when I see my emotions displayed in the written word I always want to show it off a little. Feel free to give me your feedback, whether in content or style.  -C

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What am I doing? Every time I feel progress, every time I feel like I can deal on my own – with no worries, with no pain, with no dependence on that warmth of someone’s breath on my neck – it comes back like a creeping whisper tugging at the chords within my head. I am alone. I don’t want to be with him. I don’t want to be with him. I don’t want to be with that guy either. This other one… he has potential, but he’s not interested like I am. Everything reminds me of the past. I don’t want to think of the past. I hear the conversation in my head. I step outside and examine it. I know it is just noise, and yet I jump back in and allow my soul to spiral out of control with painful passion. Painfully lonely passion. I want this one, but he came and went. And the circle continues to spin.

And it’s going to be a long walk.

How do I get back to where I was just a month ago? How do I get back to that feeling of carelessness? That feeling that I had when I knew that no one would or could satisfy that loving energy except me.

Mosey down the road, thinkin’ about the old.

I love that man that used to be mine. I love him in wayz he could never understand. I loved the camaraderie. I love the thingz we taught each other. But I do not want to be his. And I do not want him to be mine. I do not love him in the way I thought I did for so long. I know that I can never go back.

There was that Lucy in the sky that came down without a word. Silently he came. He found me. I didn’t see him coming. Big beautiful eyes. Blond curly hair. He showed me the world in just a few days. The dust fell off that thing we call inspiration as it found it’s way back to my life. Then silently he crept out the back door just as simply as he came. How bad I feel. Hit me dead in the eye. That’s life. And it continues to spin.

Enough. Bring it in. Recollect.

You are alone. Is this a bad thing? I don’t know. I know what my emotions want. But are my emotions something to listen to? No. They are just my body’s reaction to the thoughts my mind creates. I am not my mind though. I must remember this. My mind is the problem. My mind creates the problem. Creates this notion that encourages me to continue the never ending quest for happiness. But this idea of happiness that my mind has is not what I should be looking for. True happiness cannot be found through another. Or anything material for that matter.

Don’t ever question that.

“Here we go, aquarius, pisces, feel the flow of the fluid as I swim through it to free my soul.”